Self-Reflection: Are You A Good Parenting Partner?

While divorce can be hard, co-parenting can often be harder. As a divorce mediation and collaborative family law attorney, I offer co-parenting guidance for families that are looking to create a suitable parenting agreement for all parties involved. I have first-hand experience with being a co-parent. As a mother and stepmother, I know how important it is to have a supportive and helpful parenting partner.

My husband and I have five children under two separate parenting agreements. We both strive to be respectful co-parents who always put our children and their best interests first. Even with over a decade of shared parenting experience, it’s important to do some self-reflection. My husband and I appreciate when our parenting partners are cooperative, flexible, and understanding so it’s important that we model that behavior as well. I created this ‘Co-Parenting Report Card’ as an opportunity for co-parents to evaluate themselves.

For the 10 questions below, choose one answer for each question. Be honest with yourself as this is a self-reflection exercise. (Don’t worry about the numbers to the right of each answer until the end of the survey.)

1. How often do you communicate changes in custody arrangements through your co-parent?

___ Always (5)
___ Almost Always (4)
___ Occasionally (3)
___ Rarely (2)
___ Never (1)

2. How often do you communicate changes in custody arrangements through your child?

___ Always (1)
___ Almost Always (2)
___ Occasionally (3)
___ Rarely (4)
___ Never (5)

3. Do you ever talk badly about your parenting partner to others or to you child?

___ Yes (1)
___ Frequently (2)
___ Sometimes (3)
___ Infrequently (4)
___ No (5)

4. Do you encourage your child to communicate with their other parent?

___ Yes (5)
___ Sometimes (3)
___ No (1)

5. How often do you inform your parenting partner of your child’s extracurricular activities and/or school events so they can attend?

___ Always (5)
___ Almost Always (4)
___ Occasionally (3)
___ Rarely (2)
___ Never (1)

6. Are you able to have respectful conversations with your parenting partner?

___ Yes (5)
___ Frequently (4)
___ Sometimes (3)
___ Infrequently (2)
___ No (1)

7. Do you allow for reasonable flexibility in your parenting agreement?

___ Yes (5)
___ Sometimes (3)
___ No (1)

8. If there is a disagreement between you and your parenting partner, how do you handle it?

___ Discuss it directly with your parenting partner (5)
___ Agree to disagree (4)
___ Seek third-party support (3)
___ Talk about it with friends/family (2)
___ Disparage your parenting partner to your children (1)

9. Do you help your child shop or purchase holiday/birthday gifts for their other parent?

___ Yes (5)
___ Sometimes (3)
___ No (1)

10. How often do you communicate with your parenting partner via phone/text/email?

___ Daily to several times a week (5)
___ Weekly to several times a month (4)
___ Monthly (3)
___ Only as needed (2)
___ Never (1)

Now that you’re done selecting an answer for each question, look at the number to the right of your selection. (This number is in parenthesis, ranging from 1 to 5.) Add up these numbers to achieve your total score. Use the below chart to correlate with your total score:

10-19: You should reevaluate your co-parenting agreement

The majority of your answers were negative about co-parenting or your parenting partner. If you feel as though you are in an unhealthy shared parenting situation, you should consider reevaluating your parenting agreement or discussing your plan with a neutral third party.

20-29: You need to focus on your co-parenting relationship

Even after divorce, you need to work on your relationship with your ex when children are involved. While your answers seemed to be a mix of positive and negative, this could be used as an opportunity to improve communication and interaction while demonstrating flexibility and understanding.

30-39: You’re on your way to being an ideal co-parent

As you continue working on your co-parenting relationship, you are making strong and positive decisions in terms of communication and respect. Your responses were mostly neutral to positive. Continue practicing mindfulness and allow for understanding.

40-50: You are a co-parenting role model

Each of your answers was mostly positive, meaning you and your parenting partner demonstrate healthy co-parenting techniques. Look for opportunities for additional self-reflection to maintain this score. Keep it up!

We’re Here to Help

The ROAD to RESOLUTION legal team can create a co-parenting agreement that is beneficial for both parents while maintaining a positive and productive relationship. If you have any legal questions about co-parenting or divorce, please give us a call at (980) 260-1600. Our Charlotte-based team is here to help you and your family.

The ROAD to RESOLUTION Divorce Blog can help you differentiate the fact from the fiction, and guide you towards the support you need during this difficult time. Use our resources and services to find all the info you need—from pre-divorce education to drafting essential legal documents. Please contact us today to find out more about how we can help you.

Note: This blog is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice.